All she did was take a little forgivable loan, buy a few hundred thousand in Treasury bonds before the crash, triple-dip on Amazon stock, and scream “Go back to your country!” at a reporter. And now, just because her net worth may have ballooned from $700K to over $36 million, you people want to audit her?
STOP IT.
Marjorie Taylor Greene is suffering. Do you even know how hard it is to maintain a luxury CrossFit bod while chairing a subcommittee called DOGE and accusing NPR of treason? She’s just one woman — one massively leveraged, ethics-optional woman — trying to survive in this cruel, taxpayer-funded world.
She had to take that $183,504 PPP loan. Do you think luxury office furniture pays for itself? Do you think those twelve ghost employees retain themselves? No!
And when the government said, “Hey, we’ll forgive this debt,” she said, “Fine, but only if you insist.” That’s called restraint.
You all mocked her for buying $750K in Treasury bonds right before Trump’s tariff-shaped wrecking ball took out the stock market. But she was just being cautious. Like a squirrel hoarding acorns. Except the acorns are low-risk securities, and the forest is on fire, and the arsonist is Donald Trump.
HOW DARE YOU DEMAND AN AUDIT — SHE’S TOO BUSY REBRANDING THE GULF OF MEXICO
While you’re whining about accountability, Marjorie is doing the real work: trying to rename the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America.” Because who needs diplomacy when you can slap a sticker on it and call it patriotism?
Was the bill dead on arrival in the Senate? Sure.
Was it inspired by Trump’s late-night brainstorm between Big Macs? Probably.
But Marjorie stood up. For America. For branding. For people who confuse nationalism with map editing.
HER EX-HUSBAND YELLED AT MUSLIM WOMEN, BUT LET’S FOCUS ON HER PATRIOTISM
Okay, so her ex was caught on video shouting Islamophobic slurs at women in a parking lot.
He apologized. Publicly. Eventually.
But does that mean we should hold Marjorie accountable for being in close proximity to human garbage?
Absolutely not. That’s guilt by association.
And besides, she was too busy testifying against public broadcasting and pushing for federal bans on NPR tote bags.
AND LET’S TALK ABOUT HER POOR, INNOCENT SON
She asked for beer money on Venmo — not for herself, mind you, but for his 22nd birthday. That’s called maternal love, not an ethics violation. Not weird. Totally normal behavior from a sitting U.S. Representative with access to classified information and a direct line to Elon Musk.
Because what’s more American than asking your 1.7 million Twitter followers to fund your son’s next keg stand? Forget about student loan forgiveness — this is real family values. A mother who is so dedicated to her son that she’s willing to crowdsource his beer tab like it’s a charity event at the local VFW.
She’s giving back — to the people who make it possible for her to live in luxury, travel with a bodyguard, and keep her hands off her own paycheck. Leave her alone, okay? She’s a patriot with a fully-funded birthday party, and that, my friends, is true American grit.
EVERYONE INSIDER TRADES A LITTLE
So what if she moved a mountain of cash into safe bonds right before Trump nuked the markets with 104% tariffs? So what?
Maybe she had a hunch. Maybe she consulted a Magic 8 Ball.
Maybe her financial adviser is a time-traveling gym rat who gets visions during kettlebell swings.
Doesn’t matter. It’s not insider trading if nobody investigates it.
And that, my friends, is the real American Dream.
STOP BULLYING HER FOR BEING GREAT AT GOVERNMENT-SUBSIDIZED GRIFT
Let’s face it: Marjorie Taylor Greene didn’t break the system.
She just read the manual.
She took a “loan” that never had to be paid back.
She tripled her wealth while warning you about socialism.
She made ethics violations look like fitness challenges.
She prints culture war slogans while quietly buying America’s debt in bulk.
If that’s not what Congress was built for, then what even is it?
Let’s not forget the bleach blonde butch energy. She’s got the rugged, tough exterior, a body sculpted by CrossFit and financial manipulation, and she’s fighting for you! Every tax dollar she re-invests into her future empire is a battle won. Her body, like her financial portfolio, is both built and strategic.
She’s a fighter, after all. A warrior for the working class, if that class consists of millionaires who profit off the misery of the poor while pretending to hold down the fort.
So LEAVE MARJORIE ALONE.
She’s just trying to thrive in the swamp — one tax-subsidized leap at a time.
This post has been syndicated from Closer to the Edge, where it was published under this address.