Donald J. Trump, the man who once tried to buy Greenland and stared at a solar eclipse with no glasses, has finally spoken the truest words of his political career. He just didn’t realize they were about himself.
“We basically have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.”
That’s what he said—about Israel and Iran—while foaming with rage on the White House lawn, his NATO-bound helicopter blades whipping behind him like Satan’s salad spinner. And sure, he was technically talking about them. But let’s not pretend this wasn’t a full-body projection. Because no one, no one, embodies not knowing what the fuck they’re doing more than Donald John Trump.
CEASEFIRE? MORE LIKE CEASE-TO-GIVE-A-FUCK
Trump brokered a ceasefire between Israel and Iran with all the foresight of a toddler throwing glitter at a wildfire. Within hours—hours—missiles were flying, bombs were dropping, and Trump was left standing there, red-faced, trying to spin it like he hadn’t just stapled a “Mission Accomplished” banner to a gas can.
He said Israel dropped “the biggest load of bombs” he’s ever seen—immediately after signing the damn deal. That’s not a peace process. That’s a WWE match with nukes.
So what does he do? What he always does. Throws a tantrum, drops an F-bomb, and blames everybody else:
“I gotta get Israel to calm down now.”
Like he’s breaking up a middle school slap fight instead of presiding over a fucking regional war.
DIPLOMACY BY ALL CAPS
Then came the Truth Social meltdown:
“ISRAEL. DO NOT DROP THOSE BOMBS. IF YOU DO IT IS A MAJOR VIOLATION. BRING YOUR PILOTS HOME, NOW!”
“CEASEFIRE IS IN EFFECT!”
Buddy. The bombs are already falling. Your ceasefire has more holes than Giuliani’s legal defense. This isn’t diplomacy. It’s fan fiction. He’s yelling at warplanes on the internet like they’re going to read it and turn around mid-air with a friendly “Plane Wave,” as he so eloquently suggested.
Let’s be clear: Trump doesn’t do peace. He does photo ops, temper tantrums, and scorched earth. Every time he opens his mouth, something catches fire—sometimes metaphorically, sometimes quite literally.
HE’S NOT IN CONTROL—HE’S IN THE WAY
Putin called him, allegedly offering “help.” Which is like the arsonist handing you a garden hose after torching your house. But Trump eats that shit up. Because he doesn’t want peace—he wants the appearance of power. He wants to play dealmaker on the world stage while having zero understanding of how any of this works.
Meanwhile, Gaza is starving. Civilians are dying. Iran and Israel are on the brink. And Trump? He’s auditioning for a soundbite. He thinks profanity equals strength. He thinks yelling fuck makes him look like a cowboy instead of a clown with nuclear codes.
This isn’t leadership. It’s a slow-motion diplomatic car crash driven by a man who still thinks NATO is a hotel chain.
SO SAY IT WITH US NOW:
He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing.
He never has.
He never will.
And if you’re still pretending this is just “Trump being Trump,” you’re complicit in the damage.
Subscribe to Closer to the Edge if you’re tired of being gaslit by geriatrics with mushroom-shaped buttons and God complexes. We say the quiet part loud. We call bullshit in all caps. And unlike the President?
We actually know what the fuck we’re doing.
This post has been syndicated from Closer to the Edge, where it was published under this address.